a past i cant forget

I love reading books...anything that interest me...when i was small i used to go for the magical stuffs complete with pixies, gnomes,dwarfs, witches and magicians. And i sometimes wished i can do magic too. as i grew older, i started shifting towards love stories. i have to admit, i love LOVE. i loved to be swept away from the real world into a world where love really does exist. I love the way everything seems to have a happy ending, the way the author describes the perfect guy, and it made me believe that fate do exist. I love how romantic everything seems to be, i love how the guy would do anything to get the girl.. what can i say....im a sucker for love and i love LOVE, being in LOVE and being LOVED.

Im not really sure what is it that im trying to convey here but all i can say is there is someone that i really miss and no matter how hard i tried to forget that certain someone, i never had the strength to push that person away. i kept the memories at the edge, neither close nor too far away. it's always there pulling me back to the past. I know that i should move on, but i just cant. I used to dream of that certain someone and i dream of us trying to patch things up but only to wake up feeling devastated. The real world is calling me back to reality "diane...come back dear, there's no use dreaming of something so impossible". sometimes i cried in my sleep just thinking about it, regretting things, with all the "what if" running through my head, thinking of what might have happened, where did i go wrong and how it's never gonna be the same again.

Love stories reminds me of my love story. It's nothing like the book, it's full of hurt, and regret but amidst all these are also great memories. I gave my heart a long time ago to someone and since that day, i never really got it back. I tried hard to take it back but the more i tried the more it hurts. I put on a happy face for the world to see so that no one will know, but i have reached a point where there is no use pretending. I miss you. I know it's too late now..but i just want u to know that u were never really out of my mind. Not even for a second. I know you have moved on with your life.. i will to... but i just don't know when.....

i miss u..

Here I am sitting alone at the wee hours of the morning,

Thinking how time had flew by so fast,

Wondering how I have fallen head over heels for you,

Reflecting on how it would be without you.

After a short while engaged in deep thoughts,

I came to realise that no matter how long or how short time passes by,

The agony of missing you will be the same,

And trust me when I say, I will not be the same without you.

You were the one who was always there for me,

24/7 protecting me, guiding me, helping me,

Making me smile with your endless jokes and fascinating stories,

But most of all, withstanding my tantrums and tempers.

I have been so used to having u around,

That when you are no more by my side,

I feel a void inside me,

A life empty of happiness.

If this isn't love,

Then what is this actually? 

I wish that no matter how far you go,

How long the distance that make us apart,

You will always find your way back to me.

And please remember one thing..

I'm missing you even at this very moment as I write. :)

i love you

I have never thought that loving someone could be so  complicated... In the olden days, (ignore the Shakespeare) it used to be easy.. (i think). i mean, u fall in love.. and be happy ever after. FULL STOP. ENd of story. But that's not the case nowadays. there's a lot to think about. And when i say alot..it's alot!! there's the 

- does his/her parents like me?

- do i get along with his/her siblings?

- and to make things worse, are we from the same place/state? 

- and of course the infamous religion thing.... i feel like the Indian "kasta" system. Date or in that case marry only with your people..

I am though speaking through experience..i have never thought that i would be in the same situation..i mean i used to think that LOVE was easy...be together, break up that sort of thing...not the "are we even allowed to be together" but nevertheless we ended up together. it's just one of those things that u just cant ignore u noe.. The feeling is so strong and dominant that i succumbed to defeat and followed what my heart tells me to do. And I know, we cant easily trust our heart to think for us...but L.O.V.E is a matter of the heart. so i THINK i was right to follow my heart..despite what people may say. It's my prerogative. >.<>

I love my boo a lot and i couldn't think of even 1 day without him in my life. He's the one who is always by my side, helping me though ups and downs, withstanding all of my tantrums, being patient with me, and most of all for loving me for who I am (i know its all cliche but its true) And for that I am truly blessed. I really hope that i wont wake up one morning to find out he's not a part of my life anymore. that would be unbearable. Just thinking about it makes me shudder and cry.

I don't know what will happen in the future but all i know is that my feelings are true. No one is perfect but to me he is perfect enough. 

atmosphere, kk

keningau, sabah

cam whoring as usual :) love u babe

kinabalu park, kundasang

i just love this pic... <3

nearly forgotten emotion...damm...

okay...so its 4.25 am on a saturday morning...im supposed to finish my study...but then i thought why don't i take a few minutes break and see what's happening in the internet world..lolz...so i ended up FB-ing...then i browse through some pics my friend uploaded....and low and behold i came across pics of people that i have been out of contact with for eons... a rush of memories, emotions good and bad starts flooding back. The memories that i tried tucking in the closet, never to re-open it again, never to even think about it all came like a typhoon...huge waves crashing down on poor little unarmed and unprepared me. :( 

Man, i'm not lying when i say i had palpitations and tachycardia just looking at the names and pics...okay i may sound like im exaggerating but i'm not! why is it hard to forget?? urggh...

humans have methods of coping with memories that is maybe too painful to re-live again or too disastrous...i guess my way of coping with it is to never think about it. if you think about it ur doomed! trust me..i've been there done that.

I still feel hurt, i know that it wont go away.. i know that it will leave a scar, but i can't help wishing things were different back then. regrets, regrets, regrets.... :(

those were the days when I was "young"...LoL it makes me sound old..;p

anyway, i guess my point is that i thought i had done pretty well in blocking away painful memories but i just found out that no matter how hard i try it'll still make a wave in my life. guess im not doing a good job then......:( 

exam fever...

im proud to say that i haven't got the exam fever YET! im still slacking as usual.... but i desperately need the adrenaline rush, the stress and tension so i can study effectively...i really really need it to help me memorise...nothing compares to working under pressure..seriously it works!!

man....there's 4 modules and i have only partially covered 1 and a half? huhu :( help? 

im now trying the spot question method since there's not much time left...will it work? i have totally no idea...and to make things worse, i failed 2 of my subjects! and i have a feeling im gonna fail the latest test as well..super hard test with unexpected questions..!!!

huhu....studying last minute is sooooo torturing....okay i know im not suppose to study last minute..no excuse for that except laziness...:( 

i vow not to study last minute again next sem!!! promise...uhuhu... 

okay now that im thinking straight, i do have exam fever!!! oh man im so ooo gonna fail...plus supplement exam...waaaa help!!

okay i need to go study my ass off now..gosh!!!! ok no more blogs, fb or any unnecessary things....buhbye!!

will let u noe my exam result as soon as i get it.ghuhuhuh

wish me luck!!!

learn japanese

you probably might or might not know this but i'm currently learning japanese for my language course..its not really my choice to learn japanese but i have no choice but to learn it..

according to the sucky university rules, if you are chinese then you cant take mandarin class and if you are indian you cant take tamil class..so mebe they wanna make it fair for everyone to actually learn a new language instead of learning something ur already good at. BUT im a sino-kadazan, combination of chinese and kadazan..which means that i cant take either kadazan or mandarin class. but i dont even noe how to speak mandarin even a lil bit to save my life. so it is a lil bit unfair for me the so-called half chinese who cant even understand a thing in chinese and here was the chance for me to actually try and learn but i ended up not being able to...

sooo, i had to take japanese class and i dont even noe when will i be using it..like im going to japan anytime soon...hah! or mebe i can try find japanese ppl living in malaysia and talk to them with my so very very broken japanese.. doubt it..=.=

anyway, here are some words in japanese i had learned during my 4 semester here....lolz!!

thank you: arigatou gozaimasu

you are welcome/don't mention it: doitashimashite

how do you do: hajimemashite

pleased to meet you: dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu

may i have your name: onamae wa?

how are you: ogenki desu ka?

see you tomorrow: ja mata ashita

good morning: ohayo gozaimasu

good day: konnichiwa

good night: konbanwa

i love you: ishiteru

excuse me: sumimasen

i dont understand: wakarimasen

would you like to have some~ (coffee, tea etc): ~ wa ikaga desuka?

no, thank you: iie, kekkou desu

before starting meal: itadakimasu!!!

beautiful: kirei

quiet: shizuka

famous: yumei

healthy: genki

kind: shinsetzu

big: ooki

small: chisai

cold: samui

hot: atzui

difficult: muzukashi

expensive/tall: takai

until next time....that's all for now..more japanese lesson to come! 

ja mata!!

arigatou gozaimasu!!

- ane-

breast cancer awareness..

so here i am in class, waiting for the lecturer to come to start our Problem Based Learning session.....there's 8 people in the discussion room and i can't help noticing that 3 out of 8 person in this room is sick...conjunctivitis, flu and flu +cough....lolz...~~ 

i used to have a notion that doctors wont get sick...yes i know that is a silly assumption to make but seriusly they know everything about all diseases that they are smart enuf to avoid it..rite?? well i guess im wrong.. so conclusion is that even doctors get sick.. med students are no exception either... ;p

mental note to myself, drink plenty of water, eat lotsa fruits and vegetables and exercise..lolz!! i try la..haha..

soo...eventually the lecturer came while we were discussing about contraceptive pills and apparently there is an association between taking oral contraceptives with breast cancer risk if taken for a long period of time..it is 0.5 higher out of 10000 women age 16-19 and 4.7 higher out of 10000 women age 25-29..lolz..

so he was asking us should we recommend oral contraceptive since there is a mild association of it with breast cancer...and i think that there is always a good and negative impact when taking a certain kind of drugs..even the usual common antibiotics have some side effects (nausea and vomiting).. it is the individual's perrogative to take it or not right?? 

anyway, since breast cancer statistics are rising , i think that women should go for screening to detect whether there is any abnormalities or changes of the breast..early detection of any breast lump leads to good prognosis. do recommend your mothers or aunties to undergo mammography screening regularly or annually....

here i include breast self examination technique.. prevention is better than cure people...so try it!!!

link: http://www.stevens-tech.edu/womensresources/resources/Breast%20Self%20Exam.JPG

spread the info!!

-ane-