i miss u..

Here I am sitting alone at the wee hours of the morning,

Thinking how time had flew by so fast,

Wondering how I have fallen head over heels for you,

Reflecting on how it would be without you.

After a short while engaged in deep thoughts,

I came to realise that no matter how long or how short time passes by,

The agony of missing you will be the same,

And trust me when I say, I will not be the same without you.

You were the one who was always there for me,

24/7 protecting me, guiding me, helping me,

Making me smile with your endless jokes and fascinating stories,

But most of all, withstanding my tantrums and tempers.

I have been so used to having u around,

That when you are no more by my side,

I feel a void inside me,

A life empty of happiness.

If this isn't love,

Then what is this actually? 

I wish that no matter how far you go,

How long the distance that make us apart,

You will always find your way back to me.

And please remember one thing..

I'm missing you even at this very moment as I write. :)

i love you

I have never thought that loving someone could be so  complicated... In the olden days, (ignore the Shakespeare) it used to be easy.. (i think). i mean, u fall in love.. and be happy ever after. FULL STOP. ENd of story. But that's not the case nowadays. there's a lot to think about. And when i say alot..it's alot!! there's the 

- does his/her parents like me?

- do i get along with his/her siblings?

- and to make things worse, are we from the same place/state? 

- and of course the infamous religion thing.... i feel like the Indian "kasta" system. Date or in that case marry only with your people..

I am though speaking through experience..i have never thought that i would be in the same situation..i mean i used to think that LOVE was easy...be together, break up that sort of thing...not the "are we even allowed to be together" but nevertheless we ended up together. it's just one of those things that u just cant ignore u noe.. The feeling is so strong and dominant that i succumbed to defeat and followed what my heart tells me to do. And I know, we cant easily trust our heart to think for us...but L.O.V.E is a matter of the heart. so i THINK i was right to follow my heart..despite what people may say. It's my prerogative. >.<>

I love my boo a lot and i couldn't think of even 1 day without him in my life. He's the one who is always by my side, helping me though ups and downs, withstanding all of my tantrums, being patient with me, and most of all for loving me for who I am (i know its all cliche but its true) And for that I am truly blessed. I really hope that i wont wake up one morning to find out he's not a part of my life anymore. that would be unbearable. Just thinking about it makes me shudder and cry.

I don't know what will happen in the future but all i know is that my feelings are true. No one is perfect but to me he is perfect enough. 

atmosphere, kk

keningau, sabah

cam whoring as usual :) love u babe

kinabalu park, kundasang

i just love this pic... <3

nearly forgotten emotion...damm...

okay...so its 4.25 am on a saturday morning...im supposed to finish my study...but then i thought why don't i take a few minutes break and see what's happening in the internet world..lolz...so i ended up FB-ing...then i browse through some pics my friend uploaded....and low and behold i came across pics of people that i have been out of contact with for eons... a rush of memories, emotions good and bad starts flooding back. The memories that i tried tucking in the closet, never to re-open it again, never to even think about it all came like a typhoon...huge waves crashing down on poor little unarmed and unprepared me. :( 

Man, i'm not lying when i say i had palpitations and tachycardia just looking at the names and pics...okay i may sound like im exaggerating but i'm not! why is it hard to forget?? urggh...

humans have methods of coping with memories that is maybe too painful to re-live again or too disastrous...i guess my way of coping with it is to never think about it. if you think about it ur doomed! trust me..i've been there done that.

I still feel hurt, i know that it wont go away.. i know that it will leave a scar, but i can't help wishing things were different back then. regrets, regrets, regrets.... :(

those were the days when I was "young"...LoL it makes me sound old..;p

anyway, i guess my point is that i thought i had done pretty well in blocking away painful memories but i just found out that no matter how hard i try it'll still make a wave in my life. guess im not doing a good job then......:( 

exam fever...

im proud to say that i haven't got the exam fever YET! im still slacking as usual.... but i desperately need the adrenaline rush, the stress and tension so i can study effectively...i really really need it to help me memorise...nothing compares to working under pressure..seriously it works!!

man....there's 4 modules and i have only partially covered 1 and a half? huhu :( help? 

im now trying the spot question method since there's not much time left...will it work? i have totally no idea...and to make things worse, i failed 2 of my subjects! and i have a feeling im gonna fail the latest test as well..super hard test with unexpected questions..!!!

huhu....studying last minute is sooooo torturing....okay i know im not suppose to study last minute..no excuse for that except laziness...:( 

i vow not to study last minute again next sem!!! promise...uhuhu... 

okay now that im thinking straight, i do have exam fever!!! oh man im so ooo gonna fail...plus supplement exam...waaaa help!!

okay i need to go study my ass off now..gosh!!!! ok no more blogs, fb or any unnecessary things....buhbye!!

will let u noe my exam result as soon as i get it.ghuhuhuh

wish me luck!!!

learn japanese

you probably might or might not know this but i'm currently learning japanese for my language course..its not really my choice to learn japanese but i have no choice but to learn it..

according to the sucky university rules, if you are chinese then you cant take mandarin class and if you are indian you cant take tamil class..so mebe they wanna make it fair for everyone to actually learn a new language instead of learning something ur already good at. BUT im a sino-kadazan, combination of chinese and kadazan..which means that i cant take either kadazan or mandarin class. but i dont even noe how to speak mandarin even a lil bit to save my life. so it is a lil bit unfair for me the so-called half chinese who cant even understand a thing in chinese and here was the chance for me to actually try and learn but i ended up not being able to...

sooo, i had to take japanese class and i dont even noe when will i be using it..like im going to japan anytime soon...hah! or mebe i can try find japanese ppl living in malaysia and talk to them with my so very very broken japanese.. doubt it..=.=

anyway, here are some words in japanese i had learned during my 4 semester here....lolz!!

thank you: arigatou gozaimasu

you are welcome/don't mention it: doitashimashite

how do you do: hajimemashite

pleased to meet you: dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu

may i have your name: onamae wa?

how are you: ogenki desu ka?

see you tomorrow: ja mata ashita

good morning: ohayo gozaimasu

good day: konnichiwa

good night: konbanwa

i love you: ishiteru

excuse me: sumimasen

i dont understand: wakarimasen

would you like to have some~ (coffee, tea etc): ~ wa ikaga desuka?

no, thank you: iie, kekkou desu

before starting meal: itadakimasu!!!

beautiful: kirei

quiet: shizuka

famous: yumei

healthy: genki

kind: shinsetzu

big: ooki

small: chisai

cold: samui

hot: atzui

difficult: muzukashi

expensive/tall: takai

until next time....that's all for now..more japanese lesson to come! 

ja mata!!

arigatou gozaimasu!!

- ane-

breast cancer awareness..

so here i am in class, waiting for the lecturer to come to start our Problem Based Learning session.....there's 8 people in the discussion room and i can't help noticing that 3 out of 8 person in this room is sick...conjunctivitis, flu and flu +cough....lolz...~~ 

i used to have a notion that doctors wont get sick...yes i know that is a silly assumption to make but seriusly they know everything about all diseases that they are smart enuf to avoid it..rite?? well i guess im wrong.. so conclusion is that even doctors get sick.. med students are no exception either... ;p

mental note to myself, drink plenty of water, eat lotsa fruits and vegetables and exercise..lolz!! i try la..haha..

soo...eventually the lecturer came while we were discussing about contraceptive pills and apparently there is an association between taking oral contraceptives with breast cancer risk if taken for a long period of time..it is 0.5 higher out of 10000 women age 16-19 and 4.7 higher out of 10000 women age 25-29..lolz..

so he was asking us should we recommend oral contraceptive since there is a mild association of it with breast cancer...and i think that there is always a good and negative impact when taking a certain kind of drugs..even the usual common antibiotics have some side effects (nausea and vomiting).. it is the individual's perrogative to take it or not right?? 

anyway, since breast cancer statistics are rising , i think that women should go for screening to detect whether there is any abnormalities or changes of the breast..early detection of any breast lump leads to good prognosis. do recommend your mothers or aunties to undergo mammography screening regularly or annually....

here i include breast self examination technique.. prevention is better than cure people...so try it!!!

link: http://www.stevens-tech.edu/womensresources/resources/Breast%20Self%20Exam.JPG

spread the info!!

-ane-

Valentine's day

valentine's day has just passed.....february 14.....it was a day when lovers express their love for each other by means of jewelleries, flowers, chocolates or everything extravagant,...or it can be a simple gesture of love such as taking a walk in the park, or just spending quality time with each other or simply by being extra romantic on that special day..or so it seems..

valentine's day is so overly publicized and commercialized that people are beginning to forget the true meaning of valentines day...although the history of valentines day is still shrouded in mystery but february is still the month of romance..valentines day doesnt have to be for lovers only..it can be to family, friends and even pets...hehe... everyone deserved a little bit of love...if only lovers are allowed to celebrate valentines day what about the single people around the world??? that is just so unfair for them rite? anyway, back to what i was saying, valentines day is so commercialized that everywhere we look prices are way too high for a small bundle of flower and  restaurants even charge higher price for that one day.. all in the name of LOVE....lolz....that is just cut throat...

okay..so u say money is nothing compared to love...and you dont care how much money you spend to go to that high end restaurant in town on vday....as long as ur happy but on february 15 u'll be wondering where the hell did all ur money disappeared to...seriously... im jst saying that u dont need to impress ur partner by going to expensive restaurant and by giving rili expensive gifts unless you can actually afford it..so if ur the type who still rely on ur parents to pay for your food or those who rely on scholarships then dont try to act high and mighty by giving things u cant afford in the 1st place. ur partner loves u for who u are and not what u can give to them. giving is a nice gesture but there's a limit to it.. the most important thing is the love u have for each other is true.

so to the ladies out there, do ponder on this thought: if your guy bought u something nice for vday its good,....lucky you..and im guessing that u'll be in cloud nine now.. but for those who didnt get anything on vday.. dont be sad or mad etc..he may have some reason for not buying u a gift..maybe u'll notice that he's paying more attention to what u say and spending extra quality time instead of playing games 24/7..u might not notice that cos ur busy waiting for the bling bling or a bouquet of roses which didnt appear on vday... 

and for the single ppl out der....enjoy life while u can..being loved by someone special is nice but there is so little "me time" after that...so enjoy doing anything u want with ur frens without having to report to him or her where u went everyday..and u can still drool over that oh-so-handsome guy in ur class without feeling guilty..;p

so happy valentines day peeps....

and to those who didnt have an enjoyable vday this year, may u have a better one next year..:) 

-spread the love peeps-

ane ;p

dress dilemma

oh man...i know i've not been updating my blog the way im suppose to...:( 

been very very seriously busy..well...that's just an excuse actually. >.<>

anyway, our course annual dinner is just around the corner..am wondering what the hell am i gonna wear:( i have totally no clue whatsoever on what should i wear...lolz... fyi, i wore saree last year...and you're probably wondering why the hell am i even bothering about the attire..it's just a silly little dinner where no one will be watching me anyway.....BUT i wanna look appropriately dressed and a little effort won't hurt as well rite?? besides.....dress well and u'll boost ur confidence level way up high.....seriously!! it's a proven fact...(proven by yours truly ;p) 

sooo, the million dollar question.....what to wear??!!

any ideas?

help? lolz...

im thinking about kebaya..simple but still nice...and i can just buy a nice fabric and send it to the tailor..easy peasy... goood... so we'll  just find a nice pretty material and im done...hmm it was not as hard as i thought it was..;) 

soo...the dress dilemma over? 

wait and see...i might actually change my decision tomorrow morning...:(

welcome to my blog

yeah i noe the tittle is bida ni..haha...but hey that's what i wanted to say.. Welcome to my blog!!

Anyway, since this is a new year and ol i have come up with 10 new year's resolution for 2009. uhuh,...i actually made resolutions that i'm not even sure i could follow or at least do one of it. But i will TRY!! So here it is...i posted a note in facebook about it but i guess i'll post it here gain..haha.

ok so here goes... My 2009 resolution..i promise that i will TRY and follow it this time...otherwise i'll be left with nothing but a fat ass and no money in the bank..! so here goes peeps.. oh just for ur info, i will TRY and start doin' my new year's resolution by.....maybe...hopefully...next week? after my test? ;p will TRY!

10. try to sleep only 5 hours a day and catch up on my studies >.<

9. learn how to SWIM!! yeah i have to admit grudgingly that if i ever get dumped into the sea..i'll be dead fish.. And if you ever get drowned (n dont noe how to swim), the bad news is i wont be able to save u ,sorrie :( ..but the good news is i'll drown together with u..;p

8. i hope that this is the year i get to open my braces...i'll keep my fingers crossed...pleaseee dear dentist...!!!

7. since i like to eat...i wanna learn how to cook realllly nice food!!! hehe...not just the usualy maggi mee or omelette or boil water kind of cooking. i wanna cook curry, tomyam, and some complicated unknown dish that i will eventually know (hopefully) ;p

6. have more fun than 2008..since im really broke now..lets just start by going somewhere in sabah first.. some place i've never been..i should check the map tomorrow. Or perhaps u guys have any suggestion where to go for a 'vacation' during my semester break? feel free to suggest.....;p

5. reduce jalan2= reducing the mileage of my car= reduce fuel usage= save money= more money= shopping & nice food ;p

4. keep my room clean and liveable! i need to TRY and be very organize...fat chance..but will TRY!! fyi, there's a rat in my hostel room (it came in from the window, i dunno how but it did! Ewwww!!!!)

3. learn to manage my money wisely.... i dunno how but will TRY!!

2. exercising--> jogging 3 days a week..possibly everyday but doubt that..so lets try with 3 days ;) 

1. TRY and get all of these resolution to come true...hehe 

wish me luck guys!!!! 

Happy New Year 2009!!!!! :)